The 11 Things Nobody Tells You About Self-Care
The idea of self-care is a wonderful one, and for many people, it can be a necessary part of coping with struggles such as anxiety.
Self-care also encourages reflection and provides an opportunity to learn about yourself through introspection.
Unfortunately, the same mentality that makes self-care seem like a good idea (the belief that care = more love) leads some people to believe that when they don’t engage in self-care, they are being unloving or uncaring towards themselves. It can also lead you to believe that care = feeling love, which is very different from the reality of the situation.
These are very common sentiments, certainly among many people who understand the concept of self-care but don’t know how to actually do it.
11 things that people often don’t know about self-care
1. Self-care isn’t sentimental. It’s smart.
Self-care is not about “caring about yourself” at all. Self-care is about taking care of yourself, which means that it might seem to others that you are putting “love” into the relationship with yourself, but really, you are just being self-respectful and responsible.
• Think of it as maintenance, not indulgence
• Care doesn’t have to feel warm and fuzzy to be valid
• Responsibility for your needs builds long-term stability
• Let go of the idea that self-care must feel like self-love
• You can respect yourself even when you don’t “feel” like it
2. No need to overthink it: self-care isn’t emotional work
Self-care does not have to include a lot of emotionality or time spent thinking about your feelings.
• Care is still care, even without big feelings
• You don’t have to be in the mood to make supportive choices
• Emotional neutrality is fine—just focus on the next step
• Feelings might follow actions, not the other way around
• It’s okay if self-care feels ordinary or uneventful
3. You can take care of yourself without deep introspection
It may be possible to take care of yourself without paying close attention to how you feel. We’re not always able to inner-connect and self-explore. We’re very busy! The idea sometimes is to let go of the struggle to feel a certain way and just get on with your day. Keep it simple.
• Get dressed, even if your mood is flat
• Do the next task, even if it feels mechanical
• Focus on action when emotion feels unreachable
• Don’t wait for alignment—just take the next step
• Let care be functional, not always emotional
4. Caring for others ≠ caring for yourself
Self-care is not about taking care of other people in order to take better care of yourself. It’s about taking care of yourself as an end in itself and as a way to contribute something to other people.
• Giving to others doesn’t replace giving to yourself
• Supporting others won’t fix your unmet needs
• Care for yourself without making it conditional on helping
• Start from a full cup—not from burnout
• Healthy contribution comes from internal stability
5. Simplicity wins: small acts of care matter most
Self-care does not have to be expensive, time-consuming, or complicated. Often, the smallest gestures can make a big difference.
• Drink water before your body begs for it
• Take a break—even if it’s just 3 minutes
• Breathe deeply before answering that message
• Stretch while the kettle boils
• Let “small” count
6. Make it routine, not reward
Self-care is not something you do only when it feels right and when you’re in the mood unless taking care of yourself is a rare treat for you. But if self-care were a treat, then perhaps it would be better to think of it as an occasional opportunity rather than a daily hassle.
• Brush your teeth even if you’re exhausted
• Eat properly even when no one’s watching
• Schedule rest before you need it
• Don’t save care for special occasions
• Build care into your daily rhythm
7. You don’t need to earn your own care
Self-care is not something you do to show others how much you love them, and it’s not a way to convince yourself that you are “good” or “worthy.”
• You’re worthy of care just by being alive
• No one else has to approve your choices
• You don’t have to post about your self-care to validate it
• Let go of guilt when you say no
• Care because it helps—not to prove anything
8. Like any skill, it can be learned
Self-care requires an investment of time and energy. It also requires a certain degree of maturity. This doesn’t mean that everybody is capable of taking care of themselves all the time, but self-care IS a skill that can be learned, developed, and practised.
• Start small: one daily habit that nourishes you
• Track what works and build from there
• Don’t expect perfection—aim for progress
• Practice even when it feels awkward
• Revisit and refine your care routines regularly
9. Don’t let guilt guide your care
Self-care is not something that you do because you feel guilty, and it’s not something you choose when it seems like the easiest or most convenient thing to do.
• Choose self-care from clarity, not pressure
• Guilt-based choices often lead to burnout
• Let care come from a calm, grounded place
• Ask: What do I actually need right now?
• Replace guilt with gentle discipline
10. Start with what’s in front of you
Self-care is not something that requires a lot of emotional work or heavy thinking. It is not so much “self-examination” as it is simply looking around and noticing what you need, and taking care of that need.
• Scan your body and space—what feels off?
• Don’t wait for crisis—tend early and often
• Do one small thing that makes your day smoother
• You don’t have to “figure it all out” first
• Just respond to the current moment with care
11. You don’t need an audience
Self-care does not require the presence of others with whom you can share your thoughts and feelings, or talk about how things are going with yourself.
• Solo walks can be as healing as shared talks
• Journaling can replace venting
• You’re allowed to process privately
• Make space to hear yourself—no interruptions
• Let care be quiet, personal, and inward
Final thought
I hope this list helps you to understand more about self-care.
Self-care can be a wonderful concept to help people cope with their struggles, and it is extremely rewarding to see a person who is taking good care of themselves.
But it’s also important to understand that taking care of yourself will not always feel right or be easy, and that self-care is not something that you do for anybody else but yourself.
Love,
Patri
